The Denial Twist

With the advent of tai-bo, feminism, Title IX and the Spice girls, the entire female race has never been stronger. Conversely, the entire male race has never felt more useless. After spending a month travelling with my girlfriend, I came to the unsettling conclusion that she really didn't need me for all that much. Sure one could make the argument that I'm needed for that whole "love and companionship" thing, but as soon as she tires of my good night kiss I'm out of a job (and Homey's gotta get paid!) However, there is one corner of the market in which man still reigns supreme, and it is opening jars. For one reason or another, girls always seem to struggle with opening jars. Maybe it is just a secret ploy on their part to make us guys feel good about ourselves (and if it is, keep it up), or maybe they just have weak wrists. Either way, as soon as a jar needed to be opened, I was ready to put on a show. Pickles, tomato sauce, onion dip, it didn't matter, I had to get that sucker open. What else do they need us for, our oh-so clever tongue in cheek "take" on the new Avril Levine song? Our cutting edge off the cuff comments? With the Sex and the City playing round the clock, the male species are hardly needed for their entertainment value anymore. Who needs another witty rant when you can watch that Kerri chick rip her current beau for his own inadequacies. If I didn't get that jar open what would I say, "well it looks like we're not eating tonight, but do you want to here my rousing dig on Brandon Flowers?" You want proof that God's a guy, look to our wrists; just the G-mans way of keeping us dudes in the game. Believe me, the girls aren't going to stick around for the ambiance.